“Happily Ever After:” It’s Worth Taking it Slow

Excerpt from

Dating While Autistic:

Cut Through the Social Quagmire and Find Your Person

Wendela Whitcomb Marsh

You finally found “The One.” You like them, and they seem to like you just as much. Like grew naturally to love, and now you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you!

The next steps in your relationship, however, should not be rushed. If this is true love, it will withstand taking it slowly so you can both be sure. Spend time together in a variety of ways, so you can see how the two of you work together. This includes fun activities, chores, hanging out doing nothing, or going on an exciting vacation together. If you’ve only seen one another on formal dates where everyone is on their best behavior, you don’t really know each other well enough yet to plan your future. Try washing a car together, or shopping for groceries, or cooking and cleaning up in the kitchen. How does your date respond to you when you get overwhelmed? How do you respond when they do? Are you both able to be patient when things don’t go your way? It should never be just one person who has to compromise when you don’t agree, you should feel like equally respected partners. All these things are important, and they take time.

Fortunately, you have time. Enjoy dating and hanging out and getting to know each other well. After you’ve spent time in many different kinds of situations, navigating difficult conversations, having arguments, negotiating conflicts and celebrating what you love about each other, you’ll be in a better position to predict if this is the person you want to spend your life with.

I wish you all the best in your future – you deserve it!

“I think we ought to live happily ever after.”

~Diana Wynne Jones, Howl’s Moving Castle

“And they lived happily

(aside from a few normal disagreements, misunderstandings…

and unexpected calamities)

ever after.”

~Jean Ferris, Twice Upon a Marigold